Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator and the author of Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It, has shared powerful negotiation tactics that can be applied to both high-stakes situations and everyday interactions. His techniques are grounded in empathy, active listening, and understanding human psychology. Below are some of Voss's key negotiation tactics to help you "get what you want" while building trust and achieving better outcomes:

1. Master the Art of Tactical Empathy

• What It Is: Tactical empathy is about understanding the emotions and perspectives of the other party and demonstrating that understanding. It’s not just about agreeing with them but showing you "get" where they’re coming from.


• How to Use It: Listen carefully to their words, tone, and emotions. Then, articulate their feelings or position back to them to show you’re on the same wavelength. For example, say, “It sounds like you’re frustrated because you feel this isn’t fair,” or “I can see why this is important to you.”


• Why It Works: People feel heard and understood, which lowers defenses and builds trust, making them more open to your perspective.

2. Use Active Listening Skills

• What It Is: Actively listening means fully focusing on the other person without planning your response while they’re speaking. Voss emphasizes techniques like mirroring, labeling, and paraphrasing.


• How to Use It:


• Mirroring: Repeat the last few words or key phrases the other person said in a curious tone. For example, if they say, “I’m really stressed about this deadline,” you reply, “Stressed about the deadline?” This encourages them to elaborate.


• Labeling: Name their emotions or situation. For example, “It seems like you’re feeling overwhelmed by this,” or “It looks like you’re worried about the outcome.” This validates their emotions.


• Paraphrasing: Restate their position in your own words to confirm understanding. For example, “So, what you’re saying is that you need more time to complete this properly?”


• Why It Works: These techniques show you’re paying attention and care about their concerns, fostering rapport and encouraging them to share more information.

3. Aim for “No” First

• What It Is: Contrary to popular belief, getting a “no” can be more powerful than a “yes.” Voss believes that people feel safer and more in control when they say “no,” and it often opens the door to a real conversation.


• How to Use It: Frame questions to elicit a “no” that aligns with your goal. For example, instead of asking, “Do you want to meet at 3 PM?” ask, “Would 3 PM be a bad time to meet?” If they say “no” (meaning it’s not a bad time), you’ve moved closer to agreement.


• Why It Works: Saying “yes” can feel like a commitment, which makes people hesitant. A “no” lets them feel in control while still guiding the conversation toward your desired outcome.

4. Anchor Their Emotions

• What It Is: Start by addressing the other person’s fears or concerns before presenting your position. This “anchors” the negotiation in a place of understanding.


• How to Use It: If you’re asking for something (like a raise), first acknowledge potential objections or concerns. For example, “I know budgets are tight, and it might seem like a tough time to ask for more compensation…” Then pivot to your request with a positive framing: “…but I’ve been able to increase revenue by X% this quarter, and I’d like to discuss how we can align my compensation with that value.”


• Why It Works: By addressing their potential objections first, you disarm resistance and show that you’ve considered their perspective.

5. Use “How” and “What” Questions to Collaborate

• What It Is: Instead of making demands or asking yes/no questions, use open-ended “how” and “what” questions to make the other party feel like they’re part of the solution.


• How to Use It: For example, instead of saying, “I need this by Friday,” ask, “How can we ensure this is completed by Friday?” or “What would it take for us to finalize this deal today?”


• Why It Works: These questions shift the dynamic from confrontation to collaboration, making the other party think creatively about solutions while subtly guiding them toward your goal.

6. Create the Illusion of Control

• What It Is: People are more likely to agree if they feel they have autonomy in the negotiation. Voss suggests giving them the illusion of control while subtly directing the outcome.


• How to Use It: Offer limited choices or ask for their input in a way that aligns with your objectives. For example, instead of saying, “We’re meeting at 2 PM,” say, “I’m available at 2 PM or 3 PM— which works better for you?”


• Why It Works: People resist being told what to do but are more agreeable when they feel they have a say, even if the options are curated by you.

7. Leverage the Power of Silence

• What It Is: After making a point or asking a question, stay silent. Don’t rush to fill the void.


• How to Use It: After asking a key question like, “How can we make this work for both of us?” pause and let them respond. If you’ve made an offer, resist the urge to keep talking or justify it—just wait.


• Why It Works: Silence is uncomfortable for most people, and they’ll often feel compelled to speak, revealing more information or concessions.

8. Don’t Split the Difference—Go for a Win-Win

• What It Is: Voss argues that “splitting the difference” (meeting in the middle) often leaves both parties dissatisfied. Instead, aim for a solution where both feel they’ve gained something valuable.


• How to Use It: Focus on the other party’s underlying interests, not just their stated positions. If you’re negotiating a price, for example, ask, “What’s most important to you in this deal?” Maybe it’s not the price but the terms, timing, or added value you can offer.


• Why It Works: Discovering and addressing their true priorities allows you to craft a deal that feels like a win for them without compromising your core objectives.

9. Use the “Accusation Audit” to Defuse Tension

• What It Is: Preemptively address negative assumptions or objections the other party might have about you or your position.


• How to Use It: Start by acknowledging potential criticisms. For example, “You might think I’m being unreasonable by asking for this, or that I don’t understand the constraints you’re under…” Then explain your position calmly: “…but here’s why I believe this is fair based on the value I’ve provided.”


• Why It Works: By vocalizing their potential objections, you neutralize them and show transparency, which reduces defensiveness and builds trust.

10. Know Your “Black Swans”

• What It Is: A “Black Swan” is an unknown or hidden factor that can dramatically change the negotiation. Voss stresses the importance of uncovering these through active listening and curiosity.


• How to Use It: Dig deeper into the other party’s motivations by asking probing questions like, “What’s the biggest challenge you’re facing with this?” or “What’s something I might not be aware of that’s influencing your decision?”


• Why It Works: Uncovering hidden drivers (like personal pressures, undisclosed priorities, or external constraints) gives you leverage to adjust your approach and find a breakthrough.

Final Tips for Applying These Tactics

• Stay Calm and Adaptable: Voss emphasizes maintaining a calm, confident tone (he calls it the “late-night FM DJ voice”) to project authority and reassurance, even under pressure.


• Practice Patience: Hostage negotiations taught Voss that rushing can derail progress. Take your time to listen and build rapport.


• Prepare Thoroughly: Know your goals, your limits (your “walk-away” point), and as much about the other party as possible before entering the negotiation.

Of course. The negotiation tactics popularized by former FBI lead hostage negotiator Chris Voss are incredibly effective because they are rooted in human psychology, not brute force. They are designed to build trust, uncover the real objections, and make the other party feel safe and respected enough to say "yes."

The core philosophy is: Negotiation is not a battle; it's a collaborative process of discovery. You're not trying to beat the other side; you're trying to persuade them that the best way for them to win is for you to win, too.

Here are the key tactics from Chris Voss's system, as detailed in his book Never Split the Difference.

1. The Foundation: The "Late Night FM" Voice

• What it is: A calm, slow, downward-inflecting tone. It sounds like a late-night radio DJ—soothing, reassuring, and in control.


• Why it works: It de-escalates tension immediately. It signals that you are in control of your emotions and creates an atmosphere of safety. It makes the other person feel heard.


• When to use it: Almost constantly, especially when things get tense.

2. Become a "Mirror"

• What it is: Repeating the last one to three critical words your counterpart just said, in the form of a question.


• Example:


• Them: "This proposal just doesn't work for us."


• You: "Doesn't work for you?"


• Them: "Well, the pricing structure is too aggressive for this quarter."


• Why it works: It triggers a deep-seated human instinct to explain and elaborate. It makes the other person feel you are listening closely, and they will often reveal their true concerns without you having to ask.

3. Practice Tactical Empathy

• What it is: Understanding the other person's perspective and verbally labeling what you think they are feeling.


• How to do it: Use phrases that start with:


• "It seems like..."


• "It sounds like..."


• "It looks like..."


• Example:


• "It sounds like you're worried about the implementation timeline."


• "It seems like you're frustrated with the current process."


• Why it works: It validates their emotions, which disarms negativity. When someone feels understood, their amygdala (the "threat" center of the brain) calms down, allowing for rational conversation.

4. Master the "No"

• What it is: Reframing your questions to make it easy and safe for the other person to say "no."


• Example:


• Instead of: "Do you agree with this proposal?" (Puts them on the spot for a "yes" they may not mean).


• Try: "Is now a bad time to talk?" or "Have you given up on this project?"


• Why it works: "No" makes people feel safe and in control. It allows them to define their boundaries. A strategic "no" often opens the door to a real, committed "yes" later. It's also a great way to confirm if the other party is still engaged.

5. The Magic of "That's Right"

• What it is: This happens when you use a combination of mirroring and labeling to accurately summarize their situation and feelings. You show you truly understand their world.


• Example: After a few minutes of listening and labeling, you say: "So, it seems like you're under a lot of pressure to deliver this quarter, and the current pricing would put your team in a bind, and you're worried we don't understand your constraints."


• Why it works: "That's right" is a profound moment of breakthrough. It signals that trust has been established. The negotiation shifts from adversarial to collaborative.

6. Bend Their Reality with the Ackerman Model

• The 6 Steps:


• Set Your Target Price: Know your goal.


• Make Your First Offer at 65%: Start low (but not insultingly so).


• Plan Three Increases: Plan to move to 85%, 95%, and 100%.


• Use "How" Questions: After each rejected offer, ask "How am I supposed to do that?" This puts the burden on them to solve your problem.


• Use an Exact, Non-Round Number: Your final offer should be a precise number (e.g., $47,500, not $48,000). It signals you've reached your absolute limit.


• Offer a Non-Monetary Concession: At the very end, throw in something small that has high perceived value to them (e.g., "And I'll throw in a dedicated training session for your team.").

Putting It All Together: A Sample Script

Scenario: Negotiating a salary.

• Manager: "I'm afraid the best we can do is $80,000."


• You: (Using the Late Night FM Voice) "I hear you. It seems like that's the number you have in the budget for this role." (Labeling)


• Manager: "Yes, exactly. We have to work within our constraints."


• You: "Work within your constraints..." (Mirroring)


• Manager: "Well, yes. We have benchmarks for this position, and we can't just blow them out of the water."


• You: "It sounds like you're concerned about setting a precedent that would affect other teams." (Labeling)


• Manager: "That's a big part of it, yes. I have to be fair across the board."


• You: "So, to make sure I understand—you need to be fair across the board and stick to the benchmarks for this role, but you also see the unique value I'm bringing to the table. Is that right?" (Summary leading to "That's Right")


• Manager: "That's right."


• You: "Given that unique value, is there any flexibility at all if the base salary is firm? For example, on the bonus structure, signing bonus, or additional vacation time?" (Using a "No-Oriented" question: "Is there any flexibility at all...")

Final Golden Rule

• Listen. Don't just wait for your turn to talk. Your most powerful weapon is your ear. The other person will tell you everything you need to know to get to a deal—if you're listening for it.

Certainly! FBI hostage negotiators are trained to use highly effective communication and psychological tactics to resolve high-stakes situations peacefully. Many of these tactics can be adapted for everyday negotiations to help you get what you want. Here are some key negotiation tactics inspired by FBI hostage negotiators:

1. Build Rapport and Establish Trust

• Active Listening: Listen carefully without interrupting. Show empathy and understanding.


• Use the Person’s Name: Personalize the conversation to create a connection.


• Mirror and Label Emotions: Reflect their feelings (“It sounds like you’re frustrated”) to show you understand.

2. Stay Calm and Patient

• Keep your emotions in check. Negotiations often take time—patience can be your greatest asset.


• Respond calmly, even if the other party becomes emotional or aggressive.

3. Use Open-Ended Questions

• Encourage the other party to talk more about their needs and concerns.


• Examples: “Can you tell me more about what’s important to you?” or “What would make this work for you?”

4. Avoid “No”—Use Positive Framing

• Instead of saying “No,” reframe responses to keep the conversation moving forward.


• For example, instead of “We can’t do that,” say “What we can do is…”

5. Find Common Ground

• Identify shared interests or goals to build cooperation.


• Emphasize how an agreement benefits both sides.

6. Use Tactical Empathy

• Show deep understanding of the other party’s feelings and perspective.


• This does not mean agreeing, but demonstrating you grasp their situation.

7. Create a “Win-Win” Solution

• Aim for solutions where both parties feel satisfied.


• This increases chances of long-term cooperation and reduces resistance.

8. Use the “Accusation Audit”

• Address any negative assumptions they might have upfront.


• Example: “You might think I’m trying to take advantage, but that’s not my intention.”

9. Apply the “Feel, Felt, Found” Technique

• “I understand how you feel. Others have felt the same way, but they found that…”

10. Use Silence and Patience Strategically

• After making an offer or asking a question, remain silent and wait. People often fill silence with valuable information or concessions.

11. Avoid Ultimatums and Threats

• These escalate tension and reduce likelihood of agreement.

12. Summarize and Confirm

• Periodically recap what’s been discussed to ensure understanding and build momentum.

Example Chat Flow Using These Tactics:

You: “I understand you’re concerned about the timeline. Can you tell me more about what deadlines you’re working with?”

Them: “We really need it done by next week, or it’s a big problem.”

You: “It sounds like the schedule is very important to you. Many clients I’ve worked with felt the same pressure, but they found that extending just a little helped improve quality without significant impact. What if we explore options to meet your needs while ensuring high quality?”

Them: “Hmm, maybe that could work. What do you suggest?”

You: “Let’s look at some possibilities together. I want to make sure we find a solution that works well for both of us.”

By applying these FBI negotiation principles — emphasizing empathy, rapport, patience, and problem-solving — you can improve your ability to get what you want, even in difficult situations. If you want, I can provide specific scripts or role-play examples tailored to your negotiation scenario.