Response to the Redditor:

"It's great you're thinking about these financial issues proactively! Since you don't have family examples to draw on, it's smart to explore different approaches. Here's a breakdown of options, along with things to consider:

1. Proportional Splitting:

* How it works: You contribute to shared expenses based on your income percentage. In your example, if your combined income is $225k ($170k + $55k), you'd cover roughly 76% of the bills, and your fiancé would cover 24%.
* Pros: Feels fair, as it acknowledges the income disparity. Allows each person to have more disposable income relative to their earnings.
* Cons: Requires open communication and transparency about income. Can be complex to calculate and track initially. Might feel unfair to the higher earner if they feel penalized for earning more.

2. Fixed Contribution to a Joint Account:

* How it works: You both contribute a set dollar amount each month to a joint account used for shared expenses (rent, utilities, groceries, etc.).
* Pros: Simple and predictable. Can create a sense of shared responsibility.
* Cons: Might not be equitable if the fixed amount represents a significantly larger portion of one partner's income. Requires careful budgeting to ensure the joint account is adequately funded.

3. "Needs-Based" Approach:

* How it works: You cover all essential shared expenses. Then, each of you is responsible for your own discretionary spending. The higher earner might also contribute more to shared savings goals (house down payment, travel, etc.).
* Pros: Can alleviate financial stress for the lower-earning partner. Allows for individual financial autonomy.
* Cons: Requires a clear understanding of what constitutes "essential" vs. "discretionary." Can potentially lead to resentment if one partner feels they are subsidizing the other's lifestyle.

4. Complete Income Pooling:

* How it works: You combine all income into a single account, and all expenses are paid from that account. You then agree on individual spending allowances.
* Pros: Promotes a strong sense of "we" and shared financial goals. Can simplify budgeting and financial management.
* Cons: Requires a high level of trust and alignment on financial values. Can feel restrictive if one partner is used to having more financial independence.

Regarding your specific questions:

* Apartment Affordability: It's great you recognized the issue before moving in! Using proportional splitting or the "needs-based" approach might allow you to afford a place you both love without unduly burdening your fiancé.
* Joint vs. Individual Savings: There's no single right answer. Some couples find it helpful to have a joint savings account for shared goals (house, vacations) and individual accounts for personal savings and spending. Others prefer to keep all savings joint.
* Pre-Marital Counseling: Consider pre-marital counseling that includes financial discussions. A therapist can help you navigate these conversations and develop a financial plan that works for both of you.

Important Considerations:

* Communication is Key: The most important thing is to have open and honest conversations about your financial values, goals, and concerns.
* Regular Review: Revisit your financial arrangement periodically (e.g., annually) to ensure it's still working for both of you. Life circumstances change!
* No Right or Wrong Answer: What works for one couple may not work for another. The goal is to find a system that feels fair, respectful, and sustainable for both of you.

Good luck! It sounds like you're off to a great start by addressing these questions now."

To make sure this advice is solid, I'll do a quick search for up-to-date articles on couples and financial planning.

Splitting Bills Fairly with Income Disparity:
Since you’re making $170k and your fiancé is at $55k, a 50/50 split on bills (like rent for that apartment) can feel really unbalanced for her. Splitting expenses proportionally, like the 70/30 you mentioned, is a solid idea and a common approach. This way, you’re contributing based on your respective incomes. To break it down roughly, your combined income is $225k, so you’re earning about 76% of the total, and she’s at 24%. You could adjust the split to something like 75/25 or 70/30 to keep it simple. This works well for shared expenses like rent, utilities, and groceries. Sit down together and calculate what percentage of your take-home pay (after taxes) each of you can comfortably contribute to feel fair without straining her budget.

Joint Bank Account for Shared Expenses:
Opening a joint bank account for shared bills is a great idea, especially as you’re engaged and planning for marriage. A common setup is the “yours, mine, and ours” model: you each keep separate personal accounts for individual spending (like hobbies or personal savings), but contribute a set amount or percentage to a joint account each month for shared costs. For example, based on a 75/25 split, if your monthly shared expenses (rent, utilities, etc.) are $3,000, you’d put in $2,250 and she’d put in $750. Automate these transfers right after payday to avoid any stress or forgetfulness. This setup also builds trust and transparency while maintaining some financial independence for both of you.

Savings Accounts After Marriage:
When you get married, whether to share a savings account or keep things separate depends on your comfort level and goals as a couple. Since you’re both starting fresh without parental guidance on this, here are a couple of options to consider:
- Joint Savings Account for Shared Goals: If you have mutual goals (like buying a house, a wedding fund, or an emergency fund), a joint savings account makes sense. You can contribute proportionally again (e.g., 75/25) or agree on fixed amounts monthly. This can help you both feel like you’re building something together.
- Keep Individual Savings Too: It’s also fine to maintain separate savings for personal goals or security. Many couples do a mix—joint savings for shared dreams, and personal accounts for individual needs. Since you’ve both been through broken homes, having some personal financial safety nets might give you peace of mind.
Discuss what feels right for both of you. There’s no “one size fits all” here, and you can always adjust as your marriage evolves.

Other Tips to Consider:
- Open Communication: Keep talking about money regularly. Set a monthly “money date” to review bills, savings, and any concerns. Your fiancé supported you through school, so she’s likely thrilled about your success—make sure she doesn’t feel diminished by the income gap.
- Budget Together: Create a household budget that accounts for shared expenses, personal spending, and savings. Apps like YNAB (You Need A Budget) or even a simple spreadsheet can help.
- Consider Future Changes: Since you’re moving to a new state, think about how her career might evolve too. Will she have opportunities to grow her income, or will she need support adjusting to the move? Factor that into your planning.
- Protect Each Other: As you get married, look into things like a prenup (not romantic, but practical given the income difference) or at least clear agreements on debt and assets. Also, make sure you both have access to emergency funds.

My Take:
Given your history and the fact that she’s been the breadwinner for years, I’d lean toward a proportional split (like 75/25) and a joint account for shared expenses now, while keeping personal accounts for individual freedom. Post-marriage, a joint savings for big goals makes sense, but don’t rush to combine everything—take it step by step. You’ve got a strong foundation after 7 years together, so just keep the convo open and honest.

What do you think of this setup? And does your fiancé feel comfortable with proportional splitting, or is there another way she’d prefer to handle it? I’m curious to hear how others in similar situations have made it work too! (Sources for some of these ideas come from common financial advice for couples, like articles on SoFi and Investopedia, which discuss proportional splits and joint accounts.)

1. Proportional Bill Splitting: Instead of splitting everything 50/50, consider contributing to household expenses based on your income ratio. For example, if you’re earning about 75% of the combined income, you cover roughly 75% of bills. This way, expenses feel equitable without overstressing the lower earner.

2. Joint Account for Shared Expenses: Opening a joint checking account dedicated to fixed shared expenses—rent/mortgage, utilities, groceries—can streamline payments. Both partners contribute monthly proportional amounts, and all shared bills come out of this account. Transparency here builds trust and avoids confusion.

3. Individual Accounts for Personal Spending: Keep separate personal accounts for discretionary spending, hobbies, and individual financial goals. This balances financial unity with personal autonomy and reduces potential resentment over spending choices.

4. Joint Savings Goals: You might open a joint savings account for shared financial goals like buying a home, travel, or emergencies. Agree on contribution amounts (proportional to income) and goals to keep you aligned.

5. Regular Financial Check-ins: Schedule quarterly or monthly money talks to review budgets, expenses, and goals. Open communication prevents surprises and ensures you’re both comfortable with the arrangement.

6. Legal Considerations Post-Marriage: After marriage, you may want to consult about how your state handles marital assets and debts. This helps in planning asset protection or estate planning in addition to financial harmony.

Ultimately, it’s about fairness, communication, and mutual respect. A proportional shared-expenses model combined with joint and separate accounts offers balance, aligns with your income realities, and helps keep finance discussions positive. Best wishes as you build your future together!